“Grantham Barnsley’’ The man said as a statement of confirmation. Inspecting the Identification and handing it back with an eye steadied on me. I had a large attaché case and a rolling suitcase he seemed to examine with x-ray eyes. This is Earth, I remind myself.
I didn’t always have the sense I was from another planet. I came to wonder what was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to fit in with humans. It led me to come to an understanding within myself. Once I accepted it I found a sense of evolution in the matter. After 40 years. It’s true that later is ‘better late than never’.
Everything seemed odd or wrong ever since I started striving to assimilate. Before then I was unaware. I still recall that state. I was a boy of 6 years old standing with many others gathered around the state seal in a picture that made the July 1976 issue of the American-Statesman Newspaper. I had no idea what just 6 more years would hold for me; that then set me off on another 40. I’ve done this and done that twice; been silly and stupid, wicked and foolish. I’m still stubborn and stiff-necked in a good way mostly. Maybe still in the worst way when it comes to vices. I’ve dealt with a lack of Virtues and overcame Viruses so far.
AD BREAK: “I won’t leave the least likely person to read this behind without a digital copy available for free on the internet!”
We must never stop dreaming about Utopia while we are stationed on Earth for Arts and Entertainment training in producing effective disclaimers for prescription drug commercials and producing Drama, Horror and Tragedy Art genre content. Learning what not to do when living on your own planet. I hope any good I get out of this experience is mine to keep eternally. That’s the only way I can map this out for some sort of compromise to defining mutual values.
Anyway… I am a part of all of creation and do get to ‘stay over’ here for a season every so often, it seems. I’m anxious to get back home and can’t find the reason I am still here on Earth. All I seem to be doing is contrasting what is wrong and different.
I’ve recently become aware when I die here two women I met towards the end will each eat one of my two balls. In hopes of eating the one that has my primordial spermatozoon. Knowing it’s a gamble. Not sure how this relates to the story of Jesus.
Earth is weird. This shit doesn’t happen on Utopia.
Do we really need this opposite world to endure and persevere with? I guess I’m becoming thankful for the 40 years with blinders on. These fitted glasses suck. Smudged and scratched. I feel like a horse being run for a race now. I see some sort of track, other horse and lots of mud slinging; but can’t make out the railing. I must be in full gallop. Now I sense the horse behind me. I feel the gallops of the horse I’m riding as they transition the Gait to a Canter headed for a Trot. I kick in my spurs and the Action is Bolt, not Balk and Buck, finding a Gait beyond Full Gallop.
I’ve accepted I have no way to avoid someone eating any part of my flesh once I am gone from this body. I don’t spend time worrying about it. Maybe it’ll press on me as I continue to exist here like this. I’ll find a way to avoid them bringing me back here through this sortition and religious-like behavior.
Could it be that all this time I have been missing the point to this experience of existence on this planet? Coming to know a form of Love that exists only on this planet? A form of Love that is alien to my being. Can I stop it? Do I need to sever or divorce? Separate somehow? Is this just what our evolution looks like naked?
Are we being cycled through Life Seasons lived on many planets that vary between Utopia and Earth? What explains this internal sense of things that aren’t real or reasonable to give credibility to? We all seem to have a god shaped hole to fill is potentially one way to describe it.
We have a part of use that has been conditioned under more agreeable terms on some other planet in some other galaxy. How might we form into stable eternal creatures? Given this one world limited view to consider.
I feel like it’s obvious what may be stirring troubles within our money driven system of supporting lifes progression on Earth. Between me and my higher power I haven’t been able to find equilibrium yet.
This is the effect.
Utopia isn’t just everything we want it to be. It is a constantly evolving environment similar to Earth. It was formed at the same time and in the same way. Both have equal value in a cosmic sense and without the one the other would not exist. In the eye of eternal, it’s unknown what to expect for the future. Anything is possible.
It’s possible Earth was once a true Utopia and Utopia was like Earth. For whatever reason we only come to know and discover something new each time we evolve in stages. Seasons of Life Spans that vary from planet to planet. We leave the memories and retain the experiential values that are incalculable. After however many cycles and seasons of life, that is required to produce revelations in each of us. We begin to put bits and pieces together recrafting a story told over the life we lived.
I feel like a kid in advanced kindergarten. Born in a Penal Garden.
I’m yearning for home, which isn’t here.
I have become more accustomed to some things here. You thought this was more about Utopia.
What about Earth? Much is just not good or bad; it just is. Much is produced in an effort to profit and not really for a greater good. In that thought of observation is the devil in the details. Everything is debt driven with liabilities like pitfalls dug into the road that appear like sinkholes.
I had an issue with thieving money from the established system of employers and other capitalists while under the godspel. Seeking a meaning for the American Dream ideal that was being preached as a right and sold for a dollar.
I just didn’t catch on early.
Sucks coming up the rear.
I failed at both trying and recovering.
Is my evolved sense of WIIFM not important?
On Earth, I can assimilate into something I don’t understand or I can wander around homeless and dream of Utopia. It’s a free country. With no one left here that can remember a sense of Utopia. They are all Bees and Ants now. So many fallen angels have landed here now. I don’t understand, it is a mystery. Maybe they are evolving.